In Which Redd Gets High

[17:30] Salmander «HELP!»
[17:30] Ragazzo "I'll go do-"
[17:30] E4D «LOCATION.»
[17:30] Ragazzo «What's wrong?»
[17:30] Salmander «I'M… I'M TOTALLY NAKED RIGHT NOW!»
[17:30] Ragazzo "….."
[17:30] Soulless Alicel runs to look for Redd.
[17:31] E4D Jason's up off his ass from the LAV, weapon in hand. <… Stand by. Where are you?»
[17:31] Dawny1 Kay moans loudly and rolls over. She looks at her radio and covers her head with the blankets again.
[17:31] Salmander «I'M IN THIS… CLOSET… MAN…»
[17:31] E4D «Can you not move with no clothers?»
[17:31] E4D *s
[17:31] Ragazzo «I think he's high.»
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[17:31] Salmander «I… I CAN'T MOVE….»
[17:32] Soulless Alicel shakes his head and begins opening closets, starting with the first one Redd would have run into in the direction he was taking off in.
[17:32] E4D «Get off the radio, and turn it back on when you're not high.»
[17:32] Salmander «Wh… what?»
[17:32] Soulless Does he find Redd in one of the closets?
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[17:33] Salmander At about the 34th closet he finds Redd looking over his gloves. He is surrounded by lingerie and a red dress, which lies on top of him. The smell of fabric softener fills the air.
[17:33] Salmander "O'brian! What do I… What does my body look like?"
[17:34] Soulless Alicel looks down. He clicks off Redd's radio before speaking. "You look like yourself, Redd. Stained with fabric softener and covered in a red dress and lingerie."
[17:35] Soulless He kneels. "You are, as slang as been taught through listening to students in the university, I believe the phrase is 'tripping balls'. In short, you are tripping balls."
[17:35] Salmander "No man I'm totally naked right now."
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[17:36] Soulless "Ok. Where are your gloves right now, Redd, sir?"
[17:36] Salmander "I… I don't know."
[17:36] Salmander "Where… where the fuck are my gloves?!"
[17:36] Salmander "Holy shit!"
[17:38] Soulless "It is ok. They could not have been left far. They are probably in this room. We will look for them when you are calmer. Would you like to use mine?"
[17:38] Salmander The hat slowly looks up at Alicel. "YOU WEAR GLOVES?"
[17:39] Soulless "Yes. My hands are not covered in the same fake skin as my arms and face." He waves one gloved, slightly ripped from petting Bruce too roughly. One can see the clear carapice and all its tools within through the hole.
[17:39] Soulless "Would you like to use them temporarily, until we can find your gloves, Redd?"
[17:40] Salmander "Oh… okay…" Redd clearly still has gloves.
[17:41] Soulless Alicel knows this. He does not think it would be wise to contradict Redd in an emotionally hightened state. Instead he removes his gloves and hands them over to Redd. "Here, sir. Would you like for me to put them on? Do you believe you can do it yourself?"
[17:42] Salmander "I can… I can do it myself. Excuse me baby." He pushes the dress off and pulls the gloves over his gloves, tearing them. "UH-OH!"
[17:43] Salmander "SHIIIIT!"
[17:43] Soulless Alicel looks like he is about to get angry, then takes a silent deep breath and lets it out, since he has no lungs. "That will be ok. That can be fixed." He begins removing the dress and the lingerie. They're coated in fabric softener.
[17:43] Salmander "I BROKE 'EM!"
[17:44] Soulless "That is fine, they can be fixed. Maybe you can fix them."
[17:44] Salmander Redd attempts to get up but slips on the fabric softener.
[17:44] Salmander "AAH!"
[17:44] Salmander "I HAVE NO SHOES!"
[17:44] Ragazzo Dusty decides to check if a certain property of alcohol has changed. That is to say, the property of how much he can drink before getting buzzed.
[17:44] Soulless He begins trying to neatly fold up the wet clothing. There is a slap of plastic on plastic as Alicel does a facepalm.
[17:45] Soulless Then he does it with his other hand as Redd falls and proclaims he has no shoes.
[17:45] Soulless Facepalm 2x combo.
[17:45] Soulless "Calm down, Redd. We can find them once you have calmed down from the fabric softener. Please do not try to stand."
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[17:46] Salmander Redd grabs Alicel's shoulder. "I think… I think I can facepalm now too…"
[17:46] Salmander Redd slaps a glove between his hat and his jacket. It comes out the other side.
[17:46] Salmander "Holy shit I did it!"
[17:46] Salmander "I'm freeeee!"
[17:47] Soulless "Understood. Do not hurt yourself." Alicel looks a mixture of confused, worried, and very angry. "Please stay seated. You may be… er… 'free' but the floor is still wet, you can still slip and fall."
[17:47] Soulless He is trying to wing it.
[17:48] Salmander "O'brain, do you realize what this means!"
[17:48] Salmander Redd pulls O'brain close and whispers in his ear.
[17:48] Soulless "No, Redd, I don't believe so. Please explain it to me. Slowly, so I can understand. Seated, too."
[17:48] Salmander "I can fuck!" He seems genuinely excited.
[17:49] Rights It's hard for anybody to tell, but the GHost is laughing hysterically.
[17:49] Salmander He picks up the dress and hold it against his waist. "Oh baby."
[17:50] Soulless Alicel nods. "That is quite the achievement, Redd." He mimic Redd's excitment. "We should keep it a secret for now, I do not think they will believe you at first, Redd. We should stay in here."
[17:51] Salmander Redd pushes on ALicel's chest and slips again. "Woah bud, you gotta buy me dinner first."
[17:52] Soulless "Ok. I will do so. Please remain here first, I do not want to go too quickly in our… relationship?"
[17:53] Salmander "Obr- O'brian, I don't roll that way, man."
[17:54] Soulless "Okay, sir. I understand. Please sit down for now. I do not want you to slip. Again."
[17:55] Salmander "Doc… Doc I'm comin' for ya!" Redd lunges up and falls on top of Alicel.
[17:55] Soulless He is still trying to wing it. "The discovery of your new… body is surely taxing. Please rest her- oof!"
[17:56] Soulless Alicel grabs Redd by the sleeve and tuggs him down to the floor again. "Do not try making so much noise. The doc will be here, just sit and stay quiet, please."
[17:56] Salmander Redd pats Alicel's leg. "O'brian, I want you to know… I'm in love."
[17:57] Soulless "That is lovely to hear. Who is your entrusted partner, if I may ask?"
[17:58] Soulless "I believe, the phrase is, lucky lady?"
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[17:58] Salmander Redd stands up and picks up the dress, swinging it around. "Me and Janette, we're gonna… we're gonna get married."
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[17:59] Salmander "I want you, O'brian, to be the best man."
[17:59] Salmander "Can you do that for me, pal?"
[17:59] Soulless "That's lovely, sir. I am honored to be the best man."
[18:00] Salmander "But I need the doc to marry us!" Redd stumbles forward. "DOC!"
[18:00] Soulless "I am overjoyed. We must make the preparations, but please, sit." Alicel gets up and holds Redd's sleeve tightly.
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[18:00] Soulless "I do not believe running to Doc immediate would be best."
[18:01] Salmander "We're gonna elope, O'brian!"
[18:01] Salmander Redd strokes the dress.
[18:01] Soulless "I know, we should think about what we will tell the Doc. We should be diplomatic in our words. For dear Janette's sake."
[18:01] Soulless "Congradulations to you both."
[18:02] Salmander "O'brian, I want you to meet… I want you to meet her parents!"
[18:02] Soulless "I would be delighted to meet Janette's parents, Redd. Please calm down and do not over excite yourself. It is unbefitting of such a handsome groom to an equally beautiful bride."
[18:03] Salmander Redd stumbles over to the closet and brings out a plaid jacket and a blouse.
[18:03] Salmander "Now Mr. Riley here's a bit rough, but Mrs. Riley's a sweetheart."
[18:04] Soulless Alicel nods and bows. He takes the sleeve of Mrs. Riley and kisses its edge as one would a lady. He shakes hands with Mr. Riley. As per custom.
[18:04] Soulless "It is a pleasure to meet the proud parents of such a fine lady."
[18:05] E4D «Alicel, you ever find Redd?»
[18:05] Soulless «Yes. Please leave me to him for now.»
[18:05] Salmander Redd drops the parents and walks over to the dress. "If you'd please excuse me and Janette…"
[18:05] E4D «Uhhh, negative. What's his status?»
[18:06] Soulless «He will be fine. He has taken a lot of fabric softener.»
[18:06] Soulless Alicel looks to Redd. "Do you need some time with Janette, sir?"
[18:06] Soulless "Even before the wedding?"
[18:07] Salmander "Love has no boundaries, O'brian."
[18:07] E4D «Copy.»
[18:07] Soulless "Understood. I will note that." He quietly leaves and closes the door behind him. He leaves a small crack to make sure Redd isn't killing himself. He whispers into the radio so Redd doesn't hear.
[18:08] Soulless «I believe he is quite delusional. He's copulating with a red dress, is speaking of marrying her. The dress's name is Janette. I am going to be the best man in the wedding.»
[18:09] E4D <…>
[18:09] Salmander He hears Redd making moaning noises and various exclamations such as "Mmm… baby… I love a woman in red."
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[18:10] Tom90deg «I call Maid of Honor.»
[18:10] Maddy Alice looks at Jason, snickering quietly.
[18:10] Soulless Alicel shuts off his radio so no one has to hear Redd's exclaimations but him.
[18:11] E4D «If he needs someone for the ceremony, I believe Lieutenant Sage is legally empowered to marry them.»
[18:11] E4D Alicel dun gufed.
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[18:12] Soulless Alicel flicks on his radio. Might as well. «He only wants… a person named 'Doc' to perform marital rites. I do not know if he will remember this night.»
[18:12] E4D Alicel ungufed.
[18:13] Dawny «I'm not doing it» Kay's voice is sleepy.
[18:13] Salmander "Polyester, eh? I bet you stretch!"
[18:13] Tom90deg «You're not gonna screw up my chance to be Maid of Honor Kay.»
[18:14] Soulless «I do not believe he is currently in a sound enough state of mind to marry anyone. I… never realized clothes copulate that way.»
[18:14] Dawny «FIne, I'll do it…fuck…can I go back to sleep now?»
[18:14] Salmander Alicel hears a ripping noise.
[18:14] Salmander "Sorry Mr. Riley!"
[18:15] Soulless There is a distinct sound of plastic hitting plastic. Again.
[18:16] Soulless Facepalm 2x combo.
[18:16] Salmander If he looks in the window of the hotel room he can see the dress pressed against it.
[18:18] Soulless Alicel tries not to look too much. He just wants to make sure Redd is safe by watching him through a crack in the door.
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[18:20] Salmander The dress retreats and several articles of lingerie hit the window. You can hear Redd chuckle and the bouncing of red springs, then a sudden silence.
[18:20] Soulless Alicel opens the door a crack, and peeks his head in. "Redd, are you alright?"
[18:22] Salmander Redd is collapsed against a wall. The red dress lies on the bed, with lingerie strewn about the room. Both parents are on the ground, although the plaid jacket is ripped along the sleeve. "O'brian! Help! There's gloves on my gloves!"
[18:22] Soulless "I know. I put them there when you believed your gloves disappeared." He wanders over to remove the ripped gloves.
[18:23] Soulless "They're mine. It is unfortunate you ripped them. I wil have to try and repair them later." He puts his gloves away.
[18:23] Soulless "Are you feeling better, Redd?"
[18:24] Salmander "What… what happened?"
[18:24] Soulless "Fabric Freshener makes you trip balls, Redd, sir."
[18:25] Salmander "Oh… shit."
[18:25] Soulless "I request next time you use it, please allow me to accompany you."
[18:25] Salmander *Fabric softener
[18:25] Soulless *softener, yes, sorry
[18:25] MartinSage squares his pack and grabs a can of beenie weenie and heads up to the roof, as50 carried in his left hand, binoculars and rifle around his neck.
[18:25] Salmander "Oh… okay."
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[18:26] Soulless Alicel begins picking up the lingerie.
[18:26] Salmander Redd just sits there for a while.
[18:26] Soulless "You were proclaiming love for this red dress here. Her name was Janette. You said you two were going to get married."
[18:26] Soulless "You asked me to be the best man."
[18:27] Soulless Alicel folds the lingerie and the dress, placing them on the floor with a wet splat.
[18:27] Salmander "Sounds awesome."
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[18:28] Soulless He then goes on to get the 'parents' "These were Jeanette's parents." He also folds them and puts them in a different pile. "You wanted the doc to marry you two."
[18:28] Soulless "Before that, you had convinced yourself you had gained a body and that you were naked."
[18:29] Salmander "Woah, shit."
[18:30] Soulless Alicel shakes his head. "My sentiments exactly, Redd. I never wish to bear witness to two clothes copulating with such energy again in my battery life."
[18:30] Salmander "We
[18:31] Salmander "We'll see, O'brian, we'll see."